Its not you, its them How to survive a gaslighting boss

Its not you, its them How to survive a gaslighting baboIts not you, its them How to survive a gaslighting baboEveryone has worked with an underwhelming or disappointing babo during the course of their career. Whetzu sich its the boss that overshares, the boss without work/life balance, or the one who micromanages, bad bosses are the subject of happy hour grievances and the top cause of employee turnover at companies across the country.In fact, a report from Gallup presents that out of 7,200 adults surveyed, roughly half left a job to get away from their manager. For every incompetent or overbearing manager, theres a more nefarious kind that may cause harm not only to your career but also to your psyche.Those are more commonly known as gaslighters.Gaslighting was brought into the modern-day lexicon and sparked a national debate after writer Lauren Duca outlined what gaslighting at a societal level looks like for her 2016 article following the presidential election of Donald Trump. Ins pired by the 1944 film Gaslight, the term refers to an emotional manipulation strategy in which an abuser makes their victim repeatedly question their perception of reality. Although tactics may vary in distinction, gaslighting always offsets accountability and shortcomings to the subject of the abuse. If your confidence has taken a hit in your current role and you feel like youre going crazy when you consider your work, a gaslighting boss might be to blame.However, gaslighting is not as easily identified in day-to-day relationships as it is on paper.In many cases, gaslighting creates a toxic power dynamic between the abuser and the victim which is usually compacted when the offender is your boss. It also feels particularly intense in the workplace because of the emotional response this manipulation solicits. Rather than connecting over fact-based experiences and problem-solving opportunities, a gaslighting boss might use undue judgment, an unnecessary level of scrutiny, or microagg ressions to manage. Here are some classic gaslighting examples to be aware ofStrategic codependencyYour boss pretends not to see you, acknowledge your work, or refuses to listen to your feedback. Meanwhile, they might offer isolated compliments and praise that seems out of place or uncharacteristically generous. By creating an environment where direct reports compete with peers for praise or opportunities to build their trust, they cement an unequal power dynamic, as well as mistrust among the kollektiv.Countering and divertingWhen they feel challenged, gaslighting bosses double-down with circular conversations, counterattacks, or arguments that deviate from the points at hand. The author of Power Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse, Shahida Arabi, captures the outcome of this tactic perfectly They do this in order to discredit, confuse and frustrate you, distract you from the main problem and make you feel guilty for being a human being with actual thoughts and feelings that might differ from their own. In their eyes, you are the problem if you happen to exist.TrivializingIf your boss makes your needs or your experiences seem insignificant to theirs or the organizations at large, if you bring up concerns and your boss suggests youre too emotional, making a big deal out of nothing, or that you should just get with the program, your boss is actively trivializing your agency in the organization. Theyre also calling your perception of reality into question by making you doubt whether your inherent response to these behaviors is appropriate while taking no time to reflect on theirs.Punitive punishmentsIf you try to disrupt the power balance by presenting any concerns within your workplace under a gaslighting boss, you may also experience judgment or punitive punishment like your boss sabotaging your work. At one particular organization I was employed at, I disagreed with the publisher on how my name should be written in the byline. The byline on the ar ticle I had written was effectively removed as a direct result of my insubordination over this issue. This was when I knew I was not at a typical organization and that it was time to move on.Forgetting/denialYour boss claims to have forgotten conversations as they occurred or denies promises made. For example, if a boss promised a raise or compensation following a project or sale you completed but then insists the conversation never happened.These are just a short list of what someone under a gaslighting boss might endure. In order to avoid falling into these workplace pitfalls and maintain healthy boundaries, consider the following tips on how to productively manage these situationsRecord everything in writing and have witnesses when possible. Try keeping a record of your conversations via email and avoid making spoken agreements that cant be corroborated with documentation. This makes it harder for gaslighters to question your experiences and youll have a reference point if they t ry. Make sure to copy team members on emails whenever possible and communicate facts or necessary information as clearly as possible.Lean on your tribe. When a boss is making you question your sense of reality, feedback from people you know and trust is absolutely essential. Dont underestimate the power of a group of peers that can provide you with professional feedback and understanding. When you feel like youre losing your grasp, this group will be imperative as a sounding-board and moral compass.Trust your gut. Gaslighting takes a toll on your confidence, self-esteem, and even your emotional health. This may prompt depressive episodes, anxiety, apathy towards your work, or an unending sense of being overwhelmed. If you constantly feel attacked at work but cant identify why, pay attention to subtle tactics and prompts that seek to undermine or discredit you. Make a record of them and escalate it to the appropriate team members when possible.A good example of escalating an issue wi th a gaslighting manager appropriately is talking to your HR representative. If systematic sabotage is a reoccurring issue or you consider yourself in constant danger of emotional, physical, or mental harm, reach out to a trusted resource within the department. Be prepared with written or documented examples and think about solution-oriented outcomes you can request in your meeting. This will help your case move along in a productive manner.Many may suggest telling the offender exactly how you feel, but for people who are in a position of power and do not showcase healthy emotional boundaries, this may be another opportunity to counter your perception of reality. It may be unlikely that the other party is willing to do the work to communicate or behave appropriately. In such case, another option may be a department transfer or finding a new job altogether. Make sure you dont get caught in an endless cycle of having to prove yourself or seeking reasonable outcomes. Especially when yo ure not speaking to someone reasonable. Challenging this type of boss offers an opportunity for them to stress your faults while entirely failing to acknowledge their own.Keep the upper hand. Unfortunately, emotional reactions might incite the abuser to blame you for escalating the issue inappropriately, or prompt them to double-down by alienating you or adding punitive punishments. Theres a Polish proverb I find particularly helpful in situations like this, it goes, Not my circus, not my monkeys. Make sure youre not becoming a sideshow for workplace manipulation. And when its time to move on to a new chapter in your career, leave the monkeys behind.Rebecca Marie Jo is a writer, podcaster, and managing editor publishing three B2B magazines in print and digital. She is passionate about equipping others to succeed in their careers and in the area of personal growth. You can find more of her thoughts at pearlandsalt.com or follow her on Instagram for photos of her 3-year-old husky and travels across the world.

Tips on de-stressing for National Stress Awareness month

Tips on de-stressing for National Stress Awareness monthTips on de-stressing for National Stress Awareness monthAfter launching in 1992, National Stress Awareness Month takes place every April. Throughout the period experts raise public awareness about stress, offering tips on how to relieve it as well as highlighting its causes and effects on the body and mind.close dialog Advertisementclose dialog/* effects for .bx-campaign-1012257 *//* custom css .bx-campaign-1012257 */.bx-custom.bx-campaign-1012257.bx-type-agilityzone .bx-close z-index 2-ms-keyframes bx-anim-1012257-spin from -ms-transform rotate(0deg) to -ms-transform rotate(360deg) -moz-keyframes bx-anim-1012257-spin from -moz-transform rotate(0deg) to -moz-transform rotate(360deg) -webkit-keyframes bx-anim-1012257-spin from -webkit-transform rotate(0deg) to -webkit-transform rotat e(360deg) keyframes bx-anim-1012257-spin from transform rotate(0deg) to transform rotate(360deg) bx-close-inside-1012257 top 0 right 0 /* KD - Remove padding from video wrapper and set height to 100% */.bx-custom.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-row-video .bx-video-wrapper padding-top 0important height 100%.bx-custombx-campaign-1012257 bx-creative-1012257 .bx-wrap height auto/* KD - Change positioning to static as that was leid necesaary and here you can adjust the height of the video element */.bx-custom.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-row-video .bx-video-wrapper video position static/* rendered styles .bx-campaign-1012257 */.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257.bx-active-step-1 .bx-creative *first-child width 100%.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257.bx-active-step-1 .bx-creative background-color transparentborder-style nonemax-width 900px.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257.bx-active-step-1 .bx-close stroke whitebackground-color blackborder-style soli dborder-color whiteborder-width 1px.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-group-1012257-AFvXBOB padding 10pxdisplay blockwidth auto.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-element-1012257-J0EiS8Y width auto.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-element-1012257-J0EiS8Y *first-child padding 2px 4pxfont-size 10pxcolor rgb(255, 255, 255)text-transform uppercasebackground-color rgb(0, 0, 0)background-color rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.34)Unfortunately, most people experience stress at some point in their life, sometimes after a sudden traumatic event or simple abspracheing with everyday life.Max Ziegler of Core the Studio is a mindfulness coach and personal trainer. Here he offers YCB readers his top tips to relieve stress.Essential OilsEssential oils are a great way of incorporating smell mindfulness into your daily routine. Recent evidence has shown that 15 minutes of exposure to essential oils, such as bergamot, can increase feelings of positivity.Green TeaGreen Tea has been proven to play an essential role in the way our cells fight against cancer and inflammation. Easy to incorporate into your day, be it as a breakfast refreshment or tea time satisfier, green tea is great for adding a boost of energy when necessary, without the intense caffeine high of coffee.Take a Pilates ClassSimple stretches and muscle pulses can do wonders for decreasing fatigue and pain. With many workers sitting at their desks all day, lots of people experience work induced back pain. Incorporating micro-breaks into your daily routine to stretch can have a great impact on your body and mind.MeditateTake 10-20 minutes daily to mediate. It will get your mind in the right state to deal with all that life brings and prevent stress and overwhelming feelings.Social Media DetoxDont look at your emails and social media for a few hours before bed and at least 20 minutes after waking up. Instead dedicate the time to meditation, reading a book, watching TV or spending time with family and friends. This is your time to relax.Amy Smith is a Lo ndon-based travel, art and wellness writer.This post originally appeared on YourCoffeeBreak.co.uk.

6 Famous Actors Who Started Out as Male Models

6 Famous Actors Who Started Out as Male Models6 Famous Actors Who Started Out as Male ModelsHollywood is filled with gorgeous men. Thats a fact. But have you ever noticed that some are good looking? So good looking that you wonder why theyre wasting their talents on the big screen when they could be starring in a Gucci campaign?Well, chances are they already have. Maybe not Gucci, per se, but many big-time stars got their start as male models. Some shot to fame as Abercrombie Fitch models, some honed their chops in national campaigns, and others walked the runway for major designers. Heres a look at some of the hottest actors who went from fashion to Hollywood. 01Ashton KutcherWireImage / Getty ImagesIts hard to imagine Robert Pattinson as anything other than aTwilighthottie, but this English actor didnt always look so masculine. At the age of 12, he had what he described as an androgynous look- a look that made him popular in the modeling world. His big claim to fame (at the time) was modeling underwear for a small Chinese magazine. But thankfully, his looks grew up, and his career became incredibly unsuccessful. So, he decided to switch over to acting. The world rejoiced. Modeling was not Roberts forte.

15 common flexible side jobs for professionals to boost income

15 common flexible side jobs for professionals to boost income15 common flexible side jobs for professionals to boost incomeDespite a healthy economy and strong labor market, many U.S. workers still rely on side jobs for additional income outside of their primary career. To highlight the variety of side jobs available to professionals, weve identified15 common flexible side jobsthat can be used to supplement the income made from a full- or part-time job.A side gig or side hustle- once known as moonlighting- is a job that allows workers to earn extra cash while working flexible hours that accommodates a full-time job or daily responsibilities.You might already be one of theone-third of Americans who say they need to earn supplemental incometo pay for their regular living expenses or the nearlyhalf of millennials currently participating in the gig economy.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, a nd moreAbout these 15 common flexible side jobsBelow are 15 common side jobs. Each link will bring you to current job listings for that specific type of job. The job listings all offer part-time hours, are either employee or freelance jobs, and may offer remote work options. Weve also included the average hourly tarif for each job based on U.S. national salary data from the compensation data platformPayScale.Customer tafelgeschirr RepresentativeThird-party services and individual companies hire customer service representatives to assist customers in using their products and services, adding or reducing services, solving issues, and more.U.S. national average hourly rate $14EditorEditors help print and zugreifbar publications, companies, and organizations ensure their content is well-written and effective.U.S. national average hourly rate $20ESL TeacherPeople with excellent English speaking and writing skills can help non-native English speakers learn the language as ESL teachers.U.S . national average hourly rate $20Graphic DesignerWorking with brands, companies, government agencies, or nonprofits, graphic designers assist with branding, web design, print publications, and much more.U.S. national average hourly rate $17InterpreterPeople with outstanding language skills in two or more languages will find a variety of work in interpretation. For people with other specialized knowledge, like a medical or scientific background, specialized interpreting jobs exist.U.S. national average hourly rate $20Management ConsultantConsultants are hired by a huge variety of industries and companies to lend their particular expertise to help solve problems and improve business practices.U.S. national average hourly rate $60Medical CoderHealth insurance companies and medical providers hire medical coders to ensure accurate and fast coding of patient visits, procedures, and related information to assist with medical billing.U.S. national average hourly rate $18PhotographerPhotogr aphers are hired to visually bring out the best for clients, which may be small businesses, print and online publications, products, and many others.U.S. national average hourly rate $16ProofreaderBringing an eye for details, proofreaders help educational publications, news outlets, book publishers, online media, and many other content producers spot errors and produce high-quality content.U.S. national average hourly rate $18Sales RepresentativeFor a huge variety of products and services, sales representatives help bring in new business, upgrade existing customers, and save potentially lost clients.U.S. national average hourly rate $15Social Media ManagerCompanies hire social media managers to help with marketing on platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, and others.U.S. national average hourly rate $16TranscriberWorking with a variety of audio content, transcribers use speedy and precise typing skills to create written versions to accompany the audio for distributio n.U.S. national average hourly rate $15TutorTutors are hired to help clients learn subjects like math, science, and languages, or to prepare for specific standardized tests like the ACT, SAT, GMAT, LSAT, and others.U.S. national average hourly rate $18Virtual AssistantUsing a combination of skills, virtual assistants act as administrative and personal assistants for clients while working completely remotely.U.S. national average hourly rate $16WriterWriters are hired to create content for everything from company websites and online media outlets to print publications and more.U.S. national average hourly rate $20Millennials, mid-career professionals, and older workers can all benefit from incorporating a side hustle into their work life. Sometips on how to land a side giginclude understanding ones transferable professional skills, honing in ones skills and passions, and networking.This article originally appeared on FlexJobs.

The Most Popular Functional Resume Builder

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What You Dont Know About Best Resume Builder

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